Can't believe the terrible mood swings I'm having lately. Must be the PMS but I don't recall having such a bad PMS in a long time. Lately, I feel so insecure. Dunno for what reason! I feel like how I used to feel at the time I was in the last year at Uni and the period that I just graduated from Uni. I feel I'm the most ugly, undesirable person I've ever known.. I feel so old and so lack of energy. I feel depressed at times. Maybe the after effects of recovering from a long illness. Think I was ill for one whole month.. This year, my health hadn't been so good. But how can that be? I take care of myself.. I do! But I've taken the maximum no of days of MC! What's worse, its the holidays, and yet I'm still feeling NOT OKAY!

Thankfully, hubby has been very patient with me. But its not that I'm taking advantage of his patience. I have no intention to do that. I just can't control my emotions lately... And it makes me more angry with myself.... But I think I'm subconsciously angry with something else. You know.. when u don't want to blame others, u blame yourself instead and force yourself to take the blame. I don't know what's worse!

At other times, I get really happy.. like just now, after dinner with margaret at causeway point banquet ( and going window shopping for clothes - I don't find anything nice to buy- very rare), the moment i reached home, I took out the new iron i bought, and start ironing away. I finished ironing most of the pile of clothes in my wardrobe. I was so elated! Felt so happy and proud that I've completed a task. ( The steam iron was great! No more stubborn creases) AND THEN... depression sets in..

sigh