DID I MARRY OR FALL IN LOVE THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. Shesaid,"How do I know if I married the right person?"

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "Itdepends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How doyou know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it'sweighing on your mind. Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love withyour spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and likedtheir idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was acompletely natural and spontaneous experience.

You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" inlove...Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about theimagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standingthere; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. Butafter a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's thenatural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone callsbecome a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (whenit happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute,drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if youthink about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference betweenthe initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angrysubsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marrythe right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria ofthe love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience withsomeone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame theirspouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage forfulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity isthe most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, afriendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to thisdilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm notsaying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation afew years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVERjust happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" itday in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor oflove." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly,it takes WISDOM.You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specificthings you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with yourmarriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), thereare also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exerciseprogram makes you physically stronger, certain habits in yourrelationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause andeffect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable...you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.